Trouble will Find me

This is strange.
This is barely going to be coherent.
This is sobriety taking hold of every aspect of my being and question whether or not my life can handle this infinite idea once again.
This is verily the time which i will take as the paths cross at the point of all consuming thoughts.
This is how it has alway been, the fury of the subatomic transmutation calling unto my life to change everything.
This is what it looks like as i gaze into the color changing eyes of cats leading to arteries lined with the joys of butter and cheese.
This is what becomes of my ego as it questions why things are as they might be.
This is who i become when i’ve been given too many reasons to keep on keeping on.
this is not honesty built through my own destruction.
This is reality collapsing all around me, trying to divine a truth that even the baritones of a tall white man can’t negate.
This is not me accepting what is and moving on.
This is something fighting back against every aspect of my reality i know I have to consider.
This is the unfamiliar pang of the universe telling me I if I want I can take all of it.
This is the line I dared not cross.
This is where I’ve never really considered beyond a version of myself i buried a long time ago.
This is not fair, to the entitled parts of me, the glacial artifacts of a past not held to any regard but to hold up compassionate structures.
This is that place in time history where admitting victory and confidence don’t do much but misconstrue disadvantaged youths.
This is the last time.
This is where trouble will find me.
This is the soundtrack start something bigger than anything I could ever have imagine possible as my former self.
This is going to be vindictive and brash, and frightening to everyone and everything around me.
This is the system mapped to our base existences set a blaze with the fury of one, pissed off enough to want something different.
This is violence questioning its limited fruitfulness.
This is admitting I have no idea what I’m doing, and guessing a whole lot.
This is a place where I never expected to be, never expected to know beyond the typing of a keyboard.
This is hindsights rearing its head, showing me what I’ve been up to, the last few year.
This is excepting that time is relative and money is pizza.
This is listening to your own noise at the air port giving you a headache.
This is waiting for a secret meeting, bound up in supervision of familial trust.
This is showing them everything hoping they’re accepting of the fact that you’re not all together just yet.
This is wanton desire to burn brighter than the sun, just for yourself.
This is wanting to as much as light will allow for ay any given moment.
This is life converging at all times, reminding me, there is no such thing as time to do the next thing, to moment better than right not to do everything there is to do.
This is why trouble will find me
This is how I might fall into the All- Mighty’s eternal graces, praying i might be as I hope I might be.
This is what it is.

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